After a Break UpWinning back love can be one of the most taxing and terrifying tasks you can ever commit yourself to.
Can your break up, divorce or partners rejection be prevented, even though it seems like the world has ended?
Are you the only one trying?
How is it that some people take their lover back after an affair, or unfaithfulness, or even abuse? Often, after a break up, people will try resolving the situation by repeatedly telling their ex-partner how much they love them.
Some of us believe the old saying that "love conquers all" and that our love for our partner is so self-evident, that it should be enough to save the relationship.
The fact of the matter is that a one-sided loving relationship often won't work. Your love for your ex-partner, vast as it may very well be, just ain't enough - your ex-partner needs to love you too.
AND, they need to love you the right way.
If your partners love for you is "on some level", "I really care for you", or some similar plutonic reason, then this is a friend, not a lover. Couples with this claim of love for each other, are either already failing as partners, or have decided to settle-down and this is "convenient" - for security reasons.
Love that involves attraction, desire, and excitement - Passion, is the romantic love that originally brings people together, keeps them together, and brings them back together after a breakup. When two people have this type of love for each other they will do everything they can to keep the relationship together. This is real "I can't live without you" love.
Revitalising "I can't live without you" love in your ex-partner is extremely difficult because, you can't force these feelings in your ex-partner. In fact, the harder you try to force it, the more likely they are to run the other way. A more subtle approach is required to recreate these feelings in your ex-partner. Often, your ex-partner is only "reacting" to how you are acting and what you say.
After a break up, in our devastated state of mind, we sometimes manage to convince ourselves that if we can make our ex feel sorry, or guilty enough for us, they will want to get back together. So, we may act sullen and depressed... wallowing in our self pity.
Generally, being pathetic.
Or, we may over-dramatise - beating our breast, tearing our hair, rending our clothes, and behaving in ways we normally wouldn't
(embarrassing on reflection) - hoping that our ex-partner will realize just how much pain we are going through and how useless life is without them.
All those things that made us attractive to our ex in the beginning, we now pour all our energy into making ourselves unattractive.
We turn to desperate and counter productive approaches like this when we feel we have no chance, viable alternatives, or available options. Logic never comes into play. We are hurt. Be mindful though, these self-destructive acts negatively impact upon your life and damage any chance of getting your ex back.
The more out-of-character you act, the more certain they become that they made a HUGE mistake ever taking up with you in the first place! In order to have any chance of reconciliation, the first things to do are, temper any irrational behavior and set aside self pity.
Refuse to sink into negative feelings and behaviors. As comfortable as self pity is, it's not helping you get back with your ex, achieve your goals, or winning back love.