WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred
to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of
you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to
leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that
in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and
costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11.October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.

13.October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but certainly not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the
clerks passed out.

Winning Back Love

Can your break up, divorce or partners rejection be prevented, even
though it seems like the world has ended?
Are you the only one trying?
How is it that some people take their lover back after an affair, or
unfaithfulness, or even abuse? Often, after a break up, people will try
resolving the situation by repeatedly telling their ex-partner how much
they love them.
Some of us believe the old saying that "love conquers all" and that our
love for our partner is so self-evident, that it should be enough to
save the relationship. The fact of the matter is that a one-sided loving
relationship often won't work. Your love for your ex-partner, vast as
it may very well be, just ain't enough - your ex-partner needs to love
you too.
AND, they need to love you the right way.
If your partners love for you is "on some level", "I really care for
you", or some similar plutonic reason, then this is a friend, not a
lover. Couples with this claim of love for each other, are either already
failing as partners, or have decided to settle-down and this is
"convenient" - for security reasons. Love that involves attraction,
desire, and excitement - Passion, is the romantic love that originally
brings people together, keeps them together, and brings them back
together after a breakup. When two people have this type of love for
each other they will do everything they can to keep the relationship
together. This is real "I can't live without you" love.


Revitalising "I can't live without you" love in your ex-partner is
extremely difficult because, you can't force these feelings in your
ex-partner. In fact, the harder you try to force it, the more likely
they are to run the other way. A more subtle approach is required to
recreate these feelings in your ex-partner. Often, your ex-partner is
only "reacting" to how you are acting and what you say.


After a break up, in our devastated state of mind, we sometimes manage
to convince ourselves that if we can make our ex feel sorry, or guilty
enough for us, they will want to get back together. So, we may act
sullen and depressed... wallowing in our self pity. Generally, being
pathetic. Or, we may over-dramatise - beating our breast, tearing our hair,
rending our clothes, and behaving in ways we normally wouldn't
(embarrassing on reflection) - hoping that our ex-partner will realize
just how much pain we are going through and how useless life is without
them.
All those things that made us attractive to our ex in the beginning, we
now pour all our energy into making ourselves unattractive.

We turn to desperate and counter productive approaches like this when
we feel we have no chance, viable alternatives, or available
options. Logic never comes into play. We are hurt. Be mindful though,
these self-destructive acts negatively impact upon your life and damage
any chance of getting your ex back. The more out-of-character you act,
the more certain they become that they made a HUGE mistake
ever taking up with you in the first place! In order to have
any chance of reconciliation, the first things to do are, temper any
irrational behavior and set aside self pity. Refuse to sink into
negative feelings and behaviors. As comfortable as self pity is, it's
not helping you get back with your ex, achieve your goals, or create
the life you want.